Demolition Man (1993)

Impress your lady-friend and prove that you've got smarts! This movie is brilliant!!

Simon Phoenix is the "futures most ruthless criminal". He has beetlejuice pants and a worse-than-8-ball jacket in the opening scene. He must be bad-ass to dress like that.

The movie opens in the near future - 1996. This is the same year that the cast of lost in space rocketed to another planet. John Spartan (Stallone) has tracked Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes) to an abandoned building in some burnt-to-fuck part of Los Angeles. Phoenix had made off with a busload of hostages but, after performing a thermo-scan, Spartan notes only one living soul in the building. It's Phoenix.

This movie is conceptually appealing and a decent satire. Unfortunately, it had some stiff competition in Academy Awards voting. Schindler's List won in 1993. Demolition Man was close, finishing just outside the top 200 movies that year. Like Schindler's List, however, a bunch of bodies are burned in this movie: It turns out that the missing hostages were in the abandoned building with Phoenix. Whether they were alive or dead when John "Demolition Man" Spartan brought the building down is unknown. Regardless, Phoenix is apprehended and Spartan is convicted of some sort of negligence for the death of the hostages. They both go to Cryo-Prison.

They make the future really lame in this movie. There is no crime except for an underground group of rat-eating dirtbags who steal food to eat and graffiti shit. Dennis Leary plays the leader of this smell-like-shit renegades . . . Edgar Friendly.

Phoenix "escapes" from prison. Turns out Dr. Raymond Cocteau has been using hypnotic suggestion to focus him on ridding the future of the scourge of Edgar Friendly. So yea, he doesn't so much escape as he is let out. Spartan is released to catch him. The two traipse through future-society causing shit, your boner explodes at the greatness of it all, and eventually we all learn that the spic-and-span future isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Oh, did I mention that sex in the future involves no physical contact? You wear a fucked up helmet. The exchange of bodily fluids is a no-go. Also, you clean your ass with three seashells. Rob Schneider loves it when Spartan doesn't know how to use them. Spartan gets a bunch of fines for violating the morality statute (by swearing) and wipes his ass with the fines. Cool.

Hot dogs; armour hot dog's ...