The Running Man (1987)

Your enjoyment of this movie is directly proportional to your cock size!

Do you remember that time that your buddy told you to fire on a bunch of innocent rioters that only wanted some food for god's sake!? You were about to unleash a furious flurry of bullets when you decided you'd rather not. That's what happened to Arnold except WHAMMO, his buddy wasn't his buddy! IT WAS HIS BOSS and that was AN ORDER!. I'll be god-damned if he then didn't find himself fightin' two yes-men in a motherfuckin' chopper**. See, this is the part that makes no sense. They somehow subdued ARNOLD!


** aside, please note that the best arnold movies all have a helicopter in them.


Anyway, he goes to prison... FUTURE PRISON... and grows a kick-ass beard on account of being framed by a corrupt futuristic goverment. Have you ever had a wicked LAN party and totally challenged another able dude on a laptop? If you said "yes", note that THAT ORIGINATED IN THIS MOVIE AND YOU'RE A LOSER!. I bet nobody at your nerd prison (your mom's basement) had his head blown off as a result of your little nerd-fest! (don't argue with me, I said "head blown off" not "head blown"). ANYWAY, Weiss and Laughlin and Arnie all escape and go to an underground Fleetwood Mac concert and, after having his unflattering explosive necklace removed by Mic Fleetwood, Arnie goes over to his brothers, likely with the sole hope of shaving off his awful beard (which he does).


Did you know that, in the future, everything is contraband? Yea, that's right, say goodbye to your Hall and Oates 8-tracks!! Also, in the future, family feud has evolved into a different sort of gameshow where criminals are hunted down by stalkers like Jesse Ventura, Jim Brown, and asian hockey player, and an opera singer! Shit's corrupt though. They pretend that the criminals can win freedom and tell the audience as much... but last years winners are later found burned up like sunday pork roast!


Arnie's brother didn't live there anymore but a hot piece of Mexican by the name of . . . who cares about her name! ARNOLD AGAIN does the right thing by not whipping out his sausage stick and dipping it in her mustard jar!! his restraint is awe-inspiring! He instead plays all nice and decides to take her on vacation! When Arnold goes on vacation he does it right. He has a beautiful printed shirt and a lovely straw hat. It blows off when he runs onto the apron to escape the police after she sells him out. Why don't women recognize a good man when they see one?

Damon Killian loves Ben Richards. Ben Richards is Arnold's character in this film. I call it a film because it's not a movie, it's a work of art. Killian is the host of family feud in the future. He convinces Richards to go on the show in order to save Laughlin and Weiss. Not Lorie Laughlin though, the dude that escaped prison with with Ben Richards. KILLIAN IS A LIAR! he sends all three fucks and Maria Conchita Alonso down a stainless steel chute into the game zone and Arnold fucks the stalkers up!! GAWD do I have to explain everything? Okay, fine. The point of the game is that these super-hero like stalkers try and track down the criminals to kill them. Sub-zero is made plain zero by Richards. Fireball - dead. Dyanmo? dead. HA, then they try and fake Richards death because he's soooooo good at the game. What they didn't count on was Mick Fleetwood and his bandmates jamming the network satellite and bringing down the whole corrupt system! Richards is shown to be innocent, Killian is fucked up, and, if you ask me, I bet Amber and Ben make it to Hawaii after all!

This whole movie is about Schwarzenegger being a bad-ass, tougher than nails, no-shit taking, marvel of a fucking hero. He achieves what actors like Brando could only dream of - he ended corruption and gave the world hope. Brando, eat your fucking heart out (actually that is how Brando died, he ate his heart out).

This movie has the best quotes ever. Go to youtube, find them. Go to the movie store. BUY THIS MOVIE. If you don't watch this i'm going to ram my fist into your stomach and rip out your god-damned spine!
The Running Man Trailer: