Fist of the North Star (1995)

Comparable to winning the lottery while taking a shit.  It's that satisfying.  

Finding words to describe Fist of the North Star is like trying to find the Arab word for shower.  It's fucking impossible.  But, not unlike our furry Jihadists, video does a pretty damn good job of getting the point across.

These are just a few clips from Fist of the North Star.  In all honesty, you could take any part of the movie and piss yourself laughing.  Gary Daniels is one of those rare breeds (not so rare) that can't act for shit, but is a pleasure to watch on screen.  Probably because he could roundhouse your ugly mug in a pair of work boots. 

Reason #1 why this movie rocks and Gary Daniels is cooler than you will ever be:

Can you heal blind Asians with some faggy hand gestures?  Maybe your father didn't tell you how, but Gary Daniels father did.  It's not your fault he was ashamed of you and didn't want his friends to see his pathetic offspring.  Maybe if you grew a mullet, he would have something to be proud of.

Reason #2 is that Gary Daniels is stronger than a queef in a space suit.

I would like to see any MMA fighter survive that.  What just happened?  You just got your head fucking crushed.  That's what just happened.  Dana would cream his jeans if he got a hold of Gary's video resume.  Then, Gary would pop his giant fucking skull for being an unbearable prick.

Reason #3 That's what it's like to see someone fingered to death.  Well, close to it anyways.

That's right, buddy!  You did just see the coolest thing ever.  That is some devastating shit right there.

Reason #4 is the sheer intensity Gary Daniels shows:

Could you imagine someone eyeballing you like that?  You would be standing in a puddle of piss before you had the chance to run for your life.  The best thing to do would be to play dead.  Gary Daniels wouldn't be able to recognise the acting.  You don't need acting skills when you are cast for a role that resembles your reality.

#5 There is no shortage of great quotes in this movie.  Such as this one delivered by Chris Penn:

That's just one of thousands of lameass quotes delivered in Fist of the North Star.  From start to finish is an endless supply of sayings, to get you knuckled by your friends.  Who better than the fat retard, Chris Penn, to deliver such gold?

Reason #6 is that they know just the right amount of cheese required for a shitastic movie.  As you can see in this scene, they know when enough is enough:

What's the matter?  Haven't you ever seen an aneurysm caused by a chest massage?  You need to get out more, because that shit happens all the time.

That's just six clips when I could have posted the whole movie.  It is that great.  Anyone that says otherwise is a goddamn liar.  Mullet+Martial Arts+Wasteland = Better than any of the shit Hollywood pumps out these days. Not to mention, Malcolm McDowell is in it.

Fist of the North Star Trailer: