Fist Fighter (1989)

C.J.!  C.J.!  C.J.!  C.J.!  C.J.!  

Is it possible to have a bad movie with the main character called C.J. Thunderbird?  What if buddy looks like Ricardo Montalban jacked on steroids?

Fist Fighter has the best training montage you will ever see.  Not only does C.J. do pushups with a dog on his back.  C.J. does pushups with a greasy Bolivian on his back.  He even utilizes the piggyback as a training technique.  How could he possibly fail!?

This movie manages to surpass all others with punches to the face taken.  Every fight consists of a minimum of 50 punches to the face.  C.J. is lucky he has the face of a 70 year old man, but is built like a brick shithouse.  No one else could take that many punches.

The story goes:  C.J. Thunderbird drives his shitty Jeep to Bolivia to avenge the death of his friend.  When he gets to Rosario, he finds an underground fighting ring; where the champion is the man that killed his friend.  Matthias Hues plays Rhino, so you know the movie is going to be awesome.  Matthias has never done a bad movie.  C.J. manages to arrange a fight with some guy that gets his ass handed to him.  This catches the eye of a man called Punchy who becomes his manager/trainer.  There is no beating around the bush in Fist Fighter.  After C.J. wins one fight, the fight between Rhino and him is arranged.  During the fight Rhino breaks his hand punching a wooden post.  Just when C.J. is about to win, Rhino’s smug asshole boss has the fight stopped by his crooked police sergeant.  Blah, blah, blah, shit happens.  C.J. ends up beating the piss out of the sergeant when he tries to harass him and Punchy.  As a result, he ends up going to prison where more greasy Bolivians taste his fist.  He wins his freedom by fucking up some Zangief looking guy.  He uses a devastating ball-clutch to do this.  Upon his return to Rosario, C.J. finds Punchy has had the shit beat out of him by Rhino.  The death of Punchy does not bode well for Rhino.  A second match is arranged between C.J. and Rhino, but a fair one this time.  You will be astonished to find out that C.J. wins the fight after delivering an almost endless barrage of face punches.  He puts a little coin in his pocket and leaves to affectionate chants of, “C.J., C.J., C.J.!”

It’s worth watching this movie just for C.J.’s sweet fist pump celebrations.  Don’t be surprised if you find yourself doing a fist pump after every fight.  It’s that good.