Death Wish 3 (1985)

He's got an arthritic finger and a hair trigger.

Bronson looks like he's already dead in this movie. He moves around like a two-legged spider; but this s.o.b. spins one fucking massive web - OF DEATH.

Some stupid fuck decided to kill Bronson's buddy in a shitty part of New York City. MISTAKE. Bronson moves into his apartment, kills a thousand people. Movie ends, your life is changed forever. Bronson's character doesn't die, but you know Bronson must be close to it.

Bronson delivers his lines in this movie like an unmotivated professional. He knows it's too easy . . . too easy to take down a massive gang in the heart of New York. He's bored. It's another day at the office and he's already retired. Unfortunately for him he's sucked back in like a long, stringy, snot.

Did you know that the police departments hands are tied? Shit, they can't solve this gang problem and it's getting out of hand. Bureaucracy, procedure, they're the real handcuffs. Do you know what the chief, Shriker, decides to do? He decides to bring Bronson in because he has a theory that Bronson is some sort of vigilante. Shriker motivates Bronson by giving him no choice but to kill the roaches. Bronson is smart. He knows he cant afford enough bullets for the task so he makes his own. He's unleashed on the gang like a 12 year old pitbull with three legs, and he's got a ferocious appetite for justice: HIS JUSTICE: KILLING

Picture who you think would play the police chief and you'll see this guy (and be right):



Pretty cool huh? Yes. Cool indeed. As cool as Charles Bronson. Do you know who else is in this movie?? (i'll give you a clue, he's another past his prime actor that used to get prime roles). This guy:



Yea, guy one and guy two are in this movie.

I don't know where the movie was filmed and don't care to look, but there were cases of Moosehead stacked in one scene.

I have one complaint about this movie. There's an underlying love story, or, at least, some woman that thinks Bronson is all wicked. There are implications that they make love. We know it's impossible as viewers because Bronson's penis is too old. Maybe he makes love to her with his Magnum:



That's seriously his gun.

Allright, enough. Go watch this movie. You'll probably piss yourself laughing. Just tell everyone you're trying to be like Bronson. The toughest senior citizen on the face of the planet. I fucking love this movie.

Here's the trailer.