Cyborg Cop 2 (1994)

You thought he was dead... You were wrong.  Dead wrong.


David Fucking Bradley!

Hahahahahaha!  This movie sucks so much that it's great!  The opening 20 minutes is a slow motion scene where a truck drives around a warehouse blowing people up. Add the cheesiest music to the cheesiest scene and there you have it.  Cyborg Cop 2 is fucked!  Every time David Bradley does something heroic, the same shitty music plays.  That’s not the worst part.  Picture yourself at some hick country bar.  Some tough guy rolls up on his hog like he owns the goddamn place.  He gets off his bike with a “fuck you” look on his face.  This is when you pan down and notice that tough guy is wearing the gayest accessory that anyone could possibly wear.

A fucking fanny pack!  They really nailed the wardrobe in this movie.  I guess David Bradley didn’t like the uncomfortable feeling of a wallet in his pocket, while riding his bike.  Not to mention, you can store your gum, Chap Stick, keys, and anything else that needs storing.  It’s convenience knows no bounds.  The fanny pack will plague you the whole movie.  Every time David Bradley tries to show how badass he is, his gay little fanny pack undermines everything he says.

Jack Ryan has to battle a group of anti-terrorist cyborgs gone bad.  This is no easy task, but luckily he enlists the help of his cowboy buddy.  It’s too bad he ends up getting his in the end.  The cyborgs hate cowboys and really fuck him up.

These cyborgs are equipped with the latest weaponry and armor.  One of them even has a tit on the end of his arm that shoots laser beams.  In one scene the tit-laser blows up a helicopter.  In another scene, the tit-laser shoots Cowboy, but it only chars his skin a bit.  This asshole must be one tough son of a bitch.

The head cyborg “Starkraven” has a real grudge against Jack Ryan. The cyborg was made from the criminal that Jack beat the shit out of at the start of the movie.  The whole movie is basically David Bradley confronted with random situations that call for random acts of violence.  You will roar when you see David Bradley distract a cyborg with a fire extinguisher, long enough to weld him to a table.

The  special effects aren’t as shitty as the rest of the movie.  Although, the cyborgs are pretty special.  They must have used a whole roll of tinfoil on their outfits.  They store their different weapon attachments in their chest.  When they switch weapons, you can see just how shitty the suits are made.

All in all, this movie is a must watch.  You may want to hurt someone by the end of it.
Cyborg Cop 2 trailer: