Merriam Webster Dictionary
Super-cool: Lorenzo Lamas dressed in banger clothes while relaxing in a crack den recliner.
Everyone’s favorite, Lorenzo Lamas, stars in one of his more well known movies. Like most of his movies, it takes less than 5 minutes for Lorenzo to get some pussy. Granted, she’s dark chocolate, ugly, and double crosses him, but it still counts.
Within 20 minutes you learn that Lorenzo is the best goddamn undercover cop, most devastating bar brawler, and born to ride a fucking Harley. He could be driving a Chevette and he would still be the shit.
After Lorenzo makes a drug bust and has a bar brawl, the movie switches to his family cruising down a river in their houseboat. Everyone loves the great outdoors and Lorenzo’s family is no exception. Just when they are loving shit, three inbred fucks attack them on the boat. After they run a hillbilly gangbang on the sister, they turn to the mother. It would seem that one of the hicks is hungry. It just so happens that there is a pot of boiling water on the stove. Inbred doesn’t like no water without no salt. Then he has an idea. You can’t have no stew without no meat, and he has all the meat he needs right there. They make the fatal mistake of killing Lorenzo’s family.
Lorenzo finds out his family is dead and has to find the perpetrators. He makes his way to the backwoods town where his family was found. City folk don’t belong round there. While observing nature in all its glory, Lorenzo gets jumped by the same hillbilly’s that fucked over his family. It’s time to throw down. Lorenzo holds his own until one of the toothless fucks grabs an empty plastic jerry can. He smokes Lorenzo in the back, knocking him out cold. Just when they are about to make him squeal like a pig, some sexy little thing grabs a shotgun and scares them off. She lets Lorenzo recover at her place.
Lorenzo wakes up after days unconscious. It turns out that Wilfred Brimley has a surprise for him. How is Lorenzo going to get upstream? On a goddamn Harley boat! They actually converted his bike into a boat. Time to take care of business.
It turns out that Lorenzo’s sister is alive. The hillbilly’s took her back to their forest retreat. They lock her in a shed where they can get their rape on at will. They love playing with their little dolly. Things are not looking good for sis. These hillbilly’s are horny and the party is just getting started. Luckily they can’t agree on who’s getting firsts. This buys more time before she has inbreds all up in her.
Lorenzo is well on his way now. He stops to camp for the night. He isn’t some dumb fuck that leaves himself vulnerable to night rapists. He sets up some traps just in case. Good thing. Hillbilly’s find him and a broad he’s nailing. The first fat fuck steps on a trip wire and has the shit stabbed out of him. The second retard steps in a snare. Just when Lorenzo is about to escape, the third catches him. Not good. They tie Lorenzo and his bitch up in their sleeping bags to die. Some toothless fuck finds them and takes advantage of Lorenzo’s situation. He rubs his dink all over his woman. This type of asshole loves rape and he’s good at it. Lorenzo escapes and fucks the hillbilly rapist up. He’s just about had enough of these sacks of shit.
I was unaware that all hillbilly’s are gingers, but it appears to be true. Lorenzo hates gingers. It time to prepare for battle. Lorenzo straps on his forest camo. It consists of a do-rag, snake eater t-shirt, and a close shave with a hunting knife. Now we are ready for action.
Lorenzo reaches the hillbilly camp. These little fucks have been doing some serious breeding. There are loads of inbreds at the camp. Clearly this is not the first time they scored a rape victim. Lorenzo hides out in a shack. He’s trapped! The hillbilly’s unload their single-shot rifles into the shack. No one could possibly survive the onslaught. No one but Lorenzo! He takes cover behind a wheelbarrow. When the fattest of the inbreds comes a lookin’ to see if he’s dead, Lorenzo owns him with an assault rifle. Then he owns another, and another, and another. He finally owns the whole camp and saves his sister. Her hole is still intact thanks to Lorenzo. She’s lucky again. Now Lorenzo doesn’t have to abort a little hillbilly with a swift kick to the cunt.
