Wow! Don't watch this movie with the in-laws, unless you want to show them what their daughter has been eating….. or do if there's a chance of some hot mother/daughter action.
Finally, a movie that understands the importance of gratuitous nudity. For example: What would you think a sexy warrior momma would wear around? That's right! She would wear a cape and nothing else. Why would she wear a shirt when she can lay the smack down on any piece of shit that tries to get his rape on? She wouldn't, period.
You better have the Kleenex and hand lotion ready for watching this breast-fest. It jumps right into the action as our hero saves some damsel in distress from a gang of assholes. And just like a hero should, he decides to collect payment for his troubles. After beating the living hell out of some dirtball goblin looking motherfuckers, he tears the shirt off of said damsel, and begins to stab her with his flesh sword. It's just too bad some old bastard ruins the scene too early.
The caliber of topless woman in Deathstalker is way above par. I'm pretty sure that that's where the budget went. So if you are thinking of letting your pre-pubescent children watch this, don't! Unless of course, you want to hear them crying, "Daddy! Daddy! My pee-pee hurts." You're damn right it does. It better! That Lana Clarkson is a fox, and anyone without at least a semi is obviously gay. I'm pretty sure the next part of the conversation would go, "Mine doesn't hurt though, go get your mother."
Lana Clarkson is damn hot!! See for yourself:
Points of note: The villains are vile, the women are delicious, and the action is packed. You will probably watch this movie, and love it so much, that you will make a tinfoil sword and act out the battle scenes. I know I did. The only problem is that I weigh about a dollar fifty, and Rick Hill looks like he was cut from granite, but that's nothing a Sharpie can't cure. A couple of minutes in the mirror, with the marker, and I looked like Rick Hill times two.
My only complaint about Deathstalker is Munkar. He looks more like a pedophile than a badass villain. Of course, he is a wizard, so I wouldn't be surprised if he used his magic tricks to lure children into his castle. Even then, he looks like he would lose a fight to an eight year old with a safety pin. He's so pale that if it was a black and white film, he would be invisible (insert drum here). I know that insult was awesome, but I can't hear your praise, so ignore the temptation to congratulate me.
You should watch this movie, and if you don't, screw you! I told you it was great, so don't call me a liar. We can fight about it if you would like.
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